Distrust/What is friendship?

I’ve been having some “miscommunication” problems with some of my Peruvian friends lately (none of whom I have met through Tere). Usually the circumstances involve a promise to either contact me or provide a ride, then nothing happens and I am left disappointed or in an awkward position. Also, I have learned to expect any social event to take place at least thirty minutes and often over an hour after the time it was originally planned to begin. As in Indonesia, this is often because of logistical difficulties and a desire to please, but I feel that it is a bit more blatant and with fewer pleasantries with the guys I’ve been counting on lately.

I think the problem stems from distrust, which I blame ultimately on Peru’s poverty and the great divide between the have and have nots. The guys I have been hanging out with are from the upper class, run their own businesses and have houses on the most posh beach, Playa Asia. One even interviewed with Harvard Business School (HBS) and hosted three HBS American friends that came to visit Peru from Boston – just for the weekend. Some of my negative experiences might have been because I felt left by the wayside to give more attention to the special guests. I came out of the weekend with the impression that the appearance of kindness was more important than kindness itself. In such a poor country, these guys have had to fend off people trying to cheat them their whole lives. With that comes the defense mechanisms that make them “forget” to return phone calls or “not think about” how you might need a ride. A new Dutch friend gave me a good linguistic illustration of this phenomenon. When invited to a party, both “yo vengo” and “yo venga” mean “I come” in Spanish. However, for Peruvians, “yo vengo” connotes that you will definitely show up, whereas “yo venga” implies enough doubt to mean “it should surprise you if I actually show up”. I am clearly not yet used to these subtleties.

Being around the HBS guys also made me think about friendship. These guys were absolute “type A” personalities, very competitive. Every interaction was a challenge or usurpation of the other. I had high hopes for one, who ran an NGO for technical consulting to emerging businesses in Peru a few years earlier, but it seems that they would all be headed to private equity shops and i-banking.

I joined them for dinner at Jose Antonio’s, one of Lima’s best Creole restaurants, and was surprised when one of them decided to create a tournament for everyone to participate in. The rules were that the two girls who joined us chose between two of the guys at a time to decide who they wanted to see take off his shirt. At the end, the winner would have to actually take off his shirt in the mostly empty restaurant. As he chose which two guys the girls would choose between, I began to wonder whether he had constructed this elaborate plan just to belittle his friend, who ended up winning the tournament and being too embarrassed to take off his shirt.

Also at the dinner, one friend asked everyone at the table to tell their favorite stories about another one in their group. He would film the stories on his digital camcorder. I was touched by the story of one of the Peruvians, who told about the time he went to Miami, spent all his money and after 4 days of starving, met up with the guy who bought him the best breakfast he had ever had. I thought this was a very nice way to commemorate a friendship. Then, the HBS guys each told their stories about the guy. One story was about a time the guy had helped clean up an apartment, but ended up leaving all the trash and rotten food in a drawer under the sink, where he thought a trashcan should have been. The other stories were about a time when he “motorboated” a girl’s chest in a bar and made fun of overweight girls in Croatia. Later on in the night, I realized that not only had it just been a scheme to embarrass the friend, but also video evidence that could later be used as leverage. Wondering if HBS had fostered this competitiveness for the purpose of ego-building, I asked the guy who proposed the story-sharing if they were always so mean to one another. He said, “I think the more bad things you know about someone, the better the friend you are”. Apparently, he and the others were very good friends.

I felt on edge the whole time I was around these people. Rivalry and competitiveness are surely positive things in some circumstances, but I am so thankful that I have friendships in my life with people who I would rather praise than belittle. I am also thankful that I was raised to treat others with the same respect that I would expect for myself. I have not given up on communicating with my Peruvian friends, but I certainly had an enlightening weekend.

Tai Chi Group/Chinese New Year's Party

I accompanied Tere to a special dinner on the Chinese New Year's. Every weekday morning, Tere gets up at 6:30 AM to join a group that does tai chi in the picturesque park that lines the Costa Verde - Lima's stunning "Green Coast". The instructor is an elderly Chinese man that invites everyone in the group for a dinner that he prepares by himself every Chinese New Year. I've been meaning to join her in the mornings, but haven't had the spunk to get out of bed at that hour. Nevertheless, she invited me to the dinner and we enjoyed a lovely meal with some of our neighbors.

The host of the party was one of the students whose family lives in one of the old mansions in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, the latest real estate trend has been to buy up these old properties, bulldoze them and build more lucrative apartment complexes. The once-secluded fountain and garden area where we dined was now invaded by the balcony-advantaged gaze of their neighbors.

We all enjoyed the traditional Chinese food while the chef had just a cigarette, exhausted from cooking all day. I had some interesting conversation about Peruvian politics and enjoyed meeting the mother of the family who lived there. She had worked for several years with the World Bank and offered to introduce me to someone that could teach me more about it.

The army club

Here Tere and I are with Tere's 94 year old father. In his years, he was an important person in the army and government. He was received by the leadership of many countries in the Americas and even met John F Kennedy when he was the US President. We are standing in front of the Peruvian flag and code of arms of the different divisions of the Peruvian military. The club included a dining hall where we had lunch, a bar, several formal banquet halls, a residence hall and a swimming pool packed with families. I could tell that this was a place that he was proud to be.

Lima's Traffic and Pollution

Unfortunately, one of the major drawbacks of living in Lima is the traffic and pollution. The cars are so small (their favorite car is the old model of the Volkswagen Bug) that the drivers feel like they can squeeze through any gap in traffic. People drive very aggressively here, often ignoring traffic signs all together and pulling out in front of someone that clearly has the right of way. They also wait until the very last moment to stop, avoiding complete disaster by inches. It's as if what you pretend you don't see can't hurt you. (I've thought about trying to draw a parallel to the Latin woman's paradigm of romantic relationships, but I won't go there for now... going to let that thought simmer.) I told Tere that when she is driving, I zone out and pretend I am somewhere else, like at the beach.

My nose was clogged for the first week until I was used to the pollution. Even though my office gets hot sometimes with no AC, I opt to keep my window closed since I dislike the smell of outside's smog. I've learned to wait until later in the day to go for walks to avoid the heavy haze of after-work rush hour. The water is not potable and I might have gotten a bit sick from brushing my teeth with it early on. There is, however, very little garbage in the streets in most of the areas that I have been and I have been surprised by my Peruvian friends' sensitivity to not littering.

Beginning Work at the UNODC

I am pretty lucky to be working under James Shaw, the legal advisor for all of Latin America (Mexico and down) concerning crime. So far, he has had me research the UN Conventions and Protocols that pertain to organized crime, namely the Convention against Transnational Organized Crime, the Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons, Especially Women and Children, the Protocol against the Smuggling of Migrants by Land, Sea, Air, the Protocol against the Illicit Manufacturing of and Trafficking in Firearms, Their Parts and Components and Ammunition and the Convention against Corruption.

Getting a grasp of these exciting legal tools (exciting because they were just developed in the last five years) will be very helpful in what will probably be my main task in these three months: spearheading a project to create a centralized, integrated database for Peruvian law enforcement. This is kind of a major task, essentially establishing a reduced version of the Department of Homeland Security for the country that could possibly be replicated in other Latin American countries. I've been doing a lot of research about database technologies, Peruvian law enforcement and other countries and organizations that may have experience with this sort of thing. My first goal is to complete a "Project Idea" (grant-proposal) to be submitted to the Vienna Office for funding. I'll let you know how it goes!

Yacht party

Since Tere has been acting as my social agent, I have had quite a social life. She has contacted all the young people that she knows and set up plans for me to meet them. I was invited to join some of my newly made friends for a yacht party.

Mariana is the daughter of Tere's second cousin and she had around 20 people board her family's yacht at La Punta marina last Friday night. I first met Mariana on Valentine's Day, which here is the Day of Love and Friendship. Our plan was to join some of her friends to throw water balloons at lovers in the park. This is apparently a popular activity during the "Carnaval" season. Unfortunately, by the time our group of about ten got together, the corner store that sold the water balloons was closed. Still, I was able to meet a good group of people my age that I have since kept in touch with and made plans.

The yacht party was interesting. We didn't leave the marina, but had quite a festive time with music blasting and Christmas lights lining the deck. I met several interesting people including a Peruvian marine and an electrical engineer that had travelled all over the Americas and Europe. I think the electrical engineer was there for dual purposes since the boat's electrical system didn't work and we were using a generator to power the music and lights. About half of us slept comfortably on the boat and the other half left for their homes around 4AM.

This is a picture of Mariana and me on the front end of her yacht the next morning.

Pedro Caballero

Tere was kind enough to invite me with her to the art exposition of acclaimed Peruvian artist Pedro Caballero. She was handed down the tickets from Aldo Lale-Demoz, the UN Representative for our office (and our boss). It took place at one of the exclusive beach-side country clubs, the Club Regatas. Though it is difficult to see in these photos, I was especially impressed by the optical illusion of a 3-D effect the colors had against one another. Also, the artist had a remarkable ability to paint texture. Here are a few of his works and a picture of Tere and me with the artist.

Looks like I got it

It looks like I got the internship with the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime that I was hoping for. My boss is James Shaw, an anti-corruption expert, legal counsel and the only American in the office. I communicate in English with him, but in Spanish with the 40+ other employees of the office. It seems I will be focusing on money laundering and to a lesser degree corruption, migrant smuggling, human trafficking, the illegal firearms trade, the drug trade and other activities of organized criminal groups. On the first day, James talked to me about potential for States to use international law to allow the seizure of the proceeds of illicit activities and the return of those proceeds to the country of their origin. If States confiscated the assets of criminals and redirected them to fight crime, law enforcement could be self-funding. My work so far has been researching the applicable UN Conventions and their Protocols. These include especially the Convention Against Corruption and the Convention Against Transnational Organized Crime. I have learned so much in just a week and I anticipate learning a great deal more.

The beach house

Tere has a beach house about an hour south of Lima where she and her family spend the weekends. This weekend, her niece Micha, Micha’s husband Eduardo, their 3-year-old daughter Amira, Tere’s brother Herman, his wife Angie, their younger daughter Viviana and her boyfriend Mario joined Tere and me. It struck me at some point in the evening that we were all going to have to find a place to sleep in the cozy 2-bedroom bungalow.

We enjoyed most of the afternoon and early evening on the beach. As is most of Peruvian society, the beach reflected the striking contrast between the lifestyles of the wealthy and the poor. When Tere purchased the beach house, she hadn’t taken into account that it was located just barely in front of the side of the beach where the poor Peruvians set up their umbrellas. Thus, we had to walk through this part to make it to the wealthy section of the beach, in front of a racquet and swimming club. Slightly on edge since I had been warned to beware of run-by theft, I noticed as we transitioned to the wealthy side the difference in swimwear. The poor generally swam in actual clothing, though not to the extent that I noticed in Indonesia where woman swam fully-clothed due to Islamic restrictions, while the wealthy sported the trendiest Quicksilver and Billabong designer swimwear and Arnette sunglasses.

The ocean water had something of a cleansing effect on my sinuses, which had been suffering horribly from Lima’s smog. Amira, who I connected with very well, was kind enough to spread sunblock on my back. I also noticed that many on the wealthier side looked as if they could be European in their skin tone and facial structure. I was surprised when all of them answered “Lima” when I asked where they were from.

That night, we barbecued several different meats for dinner and I won a game of Gin Rummy to 500 points. Tere had told me that there would be a party at the club and we could hear the latin rhythms in the distance. After most of the family had gone to sleep for the night, I walked over to the club with Mario and Viviana to see if it was worth checking out. It was around midnight and the couple, clearly in love with each other and in no need of the distractions of a loud party, decided to pass. I decided that I would go on my own.

In the open air of the beach where we had sunbathed earlier in the day, there were about 300 people, most of whom sat at tables surrounding the giant dance floor. A band played various cumbia, salsa and merengue tunes, some of which I recognized. Many of the young people I had spotted on the beach were gathered in the back by the bar and I began to try to infiltrate them. Some of the girls were dressed up in flowery costumes to compete to be “queen” of the party. There were about 50 young people and I felt like I was at a fraternity party. It seemed they were a very tight group, since apparently they had grown up their whole lives coming to this beach and spending time together every summer. Several were very kind to me and others uninterested. I wondered how the poorer folks on the other side of the beach were celebrating the weekend.

Taking Tere’s advice that it would be safer, I decided to stay out until sunrise. It turned out to be a good plan, since I got back just as Herman was waking up and I was able to rotate into his bed.

The next day’s lunch was possibly the best meal I had had in months. Angie’s rice with cilantro, the special aji sauce with the baby potatoes, the fresh linguado fish with a squeeze of lime, pork ribs that had been roasting on the barbeque all night, fresh chicha morada juice, all were absolutely delicious. It occurred to me why Tere’s father was still living an exciting life at the age of 94 and why many in the US lived stressful lives and died early. Time spent with family on a regular basis, an emphasis on fresh, natural foods, and a lifestyle that appreciated nature and the need for rest and relaxation. This was the life, I thought as I laid back in the hammock.

Hitting the ground running/Tere - possibly the sweetest woman in the world

Tere has made my transition to living in Lima a matter of ease. Within a week, I have a place to stay, a job, a means to get to work, a cell phone, a gym, access to the internet at home, cable TV, hot showers, laundry service, a great grasp of the city and good prospects of finding my own apartment. More than that, she has made efforts to introduce me to many of the young people she knows, which has resulted in me being invited to parties and meeting other interesting people my age. She has made efforts to expose me to the cultural opportunities of the city, like lunches at the Alliance Francais and a special invitation to an art exhibition. She has also invited me into nearly all aspects of her life, from socializing with her tai chi friends to going to the grocery store together.

Having shelter as soon as you arrive in a foreign place is such an advantage. And having a good friend that cares deeply about your well-being is almost a luxury. But I know that I did not fall into this situation as a matter of chance. My positive experience here is the product of a deep friendship between two people and I am fortunate enough to have a loving relationship with one of them, my Aunt Mary. It is great to have family that cares about you, but it is even greater when someone extends that familial love to someone not blood-related to them. Entonces, muchisimas gracias, Tia Tere.

First Glimpse of Lima

All went pretty smoothly upon arrival in Lima. After going through immigration and finding all my baggage unmolested, I was greeted by a taxi driver that Maria Teresa (Tere) had arranged to pick me up. Apparently Tere had also arranged for a plumb, balding Colombian to be picked up as well and dropped off at his hotel. The Colombian informed me that he was an engineer that helped build palm oil refineries and was in town to help with a UN project. The driver drove through the 2 AM city, giving me a premature glimpse of the nightlife that seemed to consist of casinos, little dance bars, late-night eateries and impromptu gatherings of young gentlemen on corners. The poverty level of the pueblos jovenes seemed similar to what I had encountered in Indonesia, until we came to the luxurious San Isidro and Miraflores municipalities, which I recognized by the giant inner-city golf course and the well-manicured private residences. This is where I would be working and staying. It will be interesting to see the extent to which I interface with the poverty of the outer parts of the city.

Avianca Air

The flight left Miami at 4 PM for Bogota, Colombia, arriving at 7:25 PM. The flight out of Bogota left at 9:30 PM and arrived at 1:30 AM – really not that bad compared to the 30+ hours it took me to get to Indonesia. I was, however, reminded of the differences in quality of air travel service in comparing the US to the developing world when several things occurred. One of the side-panels above the luggage storage fell on a passenger’s head, various luggage bins popped open during take-off and landing and the emergency oxygen device became unhinged and swung precariously over the heads of passengers for the duration of the flight. I was relieved at least to see on the label attached to the emergency oxygen devices that it had not yet expired. This experience reminded me of my trip to Colombia three years ago during which one of our flights between cities failed to deploy the aircraft’s landing gear. Luckily, there had been enough gas for the crew to manually lower the wheels. I do like that they show movies and serve alcohol though.

South Beach, Miami

As always, it was wonderful to spend a couple nights with my uncles Mark and Kirk in Miami before my flight to Peru. Their dreamy condominium on the 21st floor overlooking South Beach is the perfect place to kick back and relax. While I was there, I was privileged to meet one of their friends, Billy, who was the first and only professional baseball player to come out. Another interesting experience was to go with Mark to the Cuban barbershop that he uses. Mark and Kirk spoiled me by taking me to several of their favorite restaurants on the ultra-posh Lincoln Road. We brainstormed a bit on our plan to meet in Argentina in March. I also acquired a couple hand-me-down tennis shoes. Thanks, Kirk!

Beginning an adventure

Here I am again preparing myself for international travel. To give you a rough idea of what I have in store for the next three and a half months (Feb. 9 to May 17):

1. Hopes of interning at the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC)
2. A host mother with whom I can stay until I find an apartment in Lima
3. Expectations of becoming fluent in Spanish
4. A list of hosts across Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, Argentina and Chile through Servas International
5. Responses from law schools
6. Lots of relaxing on the Pacific beaches

So I don't have an official internship, but instead a sort of back-door, makeshift hopes of an internship. The family friend I will be staying with for what will probably be a couple weeks works at the UNODC on projects to provide farmers with alternative crops to dissuade them from growing coca leaves (for cocaine). I have a meeting with the Legal Director on Monday, under whom I hope to be working. He is an anti-corruption expert and works with law enforcement. I'm not sure what work he'll have in store for me, but it could be interesting. My Spanish level may be a problem in the beginning, since I can barely claim proficiency. I'm really hoping it all works out. My main goal is to determine if I'm ready to commit my career and law study to working with the United Nations. I'm hoping that showing up ready to work and covering all the expenses myself will give the staff at the UNODC enough incentive to let me hang around and see how the organization works.

I'm spending a couple nights in Miami with my uncles Mark and Kirk before I go. It's going to be a blast. Well, better finish packing...